We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
