he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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