Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
