Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
