Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
