I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
