I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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