just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize