Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
