She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
