so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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