So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
