dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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