i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
