rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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