NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
