I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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