I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
