Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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