So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How does one acquire holy water?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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