It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
