yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
