All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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