Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
