I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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