I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
why do cheetos always look like penises
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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