i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
