I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
