I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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