He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
