Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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