Can i not drive my cunt home
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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