My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
