im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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