I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
