theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
