she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
