Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
