You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So much rum. So many feels.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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