Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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