Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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