Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
