Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize