I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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