She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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