blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
