My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
