Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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