I cannot find my penis.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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