I cannot find my penis.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize