I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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