Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
