Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
