he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
