Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
