yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
A+ Viking dick
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
