with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
