apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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