What a fucking waste of an outfit
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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