This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
