Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
