dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
