dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
