I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Randomize
