Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
