I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
