Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
