If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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