it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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