Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
