You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My feet surprised me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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