She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
