So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
