I got chris browned last night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
