I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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