that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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