In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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