I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
