sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
