did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
