You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
