It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
