Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
