dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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