"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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