think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
