ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
