The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize