nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
