HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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