I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
