she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
