Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
