I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize