I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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