It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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