I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
