I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
