Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
