Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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