What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
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