i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
