i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
