Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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