they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
